What's On Television Today: Wednesday, Nov. 17, 2010

I was always a fan of handing out nicknames growing up, even though I was really bad at making them. I went through the phase where you think attaching a common baseball abbreviation to someone's name is cool, i.e. LOBerto Alomar, and the like. Yes, I was/am a Mets fan. 

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The topic came up yesterday on Battle Red Blog about what exactly this Texans defense, currently on pace to be the worst of the modern era, should be nicknamed. Many clever ones were suggested, both there and on Twitter where I asked for them. 

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I've tweaked my original suggestion a bit, and now my idea is as follows: Steel Blue Collar Comedy Tour. A little Texans color addition. My theory is that both the Texans defense and the comedy tour focus on simple jokes. Larry The Cable Guy talks about...well, I don't know, I change the channel when he comes on. I assume it's topical to southerners or something like that. Zac Diles tries to cover linebackers. Neither of them were funny to begin with, but all the humor to be found in them comes solely from the tragedy that they still exist. 

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Speaking of that, here is some existing TV for you this afternoon:

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Mario Williams/The one funny joke Ron White tells
International Soccer Friendly: Brazil vs. Argentina -- 11 AM, ESPN 2 -- I have a hunch this is the beautiful game that everyone tells me about.
International Soccer Friendly: South Africa vs. United States -- 1 PM, ESPN 2 -- I really wish Jonathan Spector would allow us to nickname him "Phil."
Phoenix Suns @ Miami Heat -- 6 PM, ESPN -- Theoretically this should be a beatdown. The Sun is the reason for all heat, meaning that no matter what the Heat do, they could never beat the Sun. I think this also means that Steve Nash has custody of Dwayne Wade.

Glover Quin/Jeff Foxworthy hosting "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?"
Chicago Bulls @ San Antonio Spurs -- 8:30 PM, ESPN -- We'll see if a totally different announcing crew has figured out that Kyle Korver looks like Ashton Kutcher. If only Tom Tolbert were still around to say it emphatically.
Boston Bruins @ New York Rangers -- 6 PM, Versus -- Lets see if Bill Simmons watches this game.
Liga Venezolana -- Bravos de Margarita vs. Leones del Caracas -- 6 PM, ESPN3 -- I believe the Bravos were just handed the Venezuelan version of Dan Uggla. But he came with a ransom note.

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Kareem Jackson/Larry The Cable Guy Movies
International Soccer Friendly: England vs. France -- 2 PM, FSC -- Don't be one of those euro snobs who watches this game over the USA one. Besides, you can't count on the French team to actually show up to the game.

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