There's nothing quite as asinine as grading an NFL Draft the day it ends, or in this case, the day before it ends. But since we've been requisitioned to do it, lets have some fun with it. Here are some completely random grades on the excellence that was the Houston Texans first three picks:
Round 1, Pick 11: J.J. Watt, defensive end, Wisconsin. Grade: Beige Alert!
I understand J.J. Watt's strengths are a great fit for Wade Phillips' new 3-4 scheme, but the idea that they'd take a non-nose tackle defensive lineman with their first pick fills me with confusion. But then I remember that these are the Houston Texans, and they don't know or care what a nose tackle is. So I'm filled with the same kind of jarring indifference that I felt all of last season as I watched their defense fail to do anything right.
In the face of the Watt pick, I'm forced to conclude that a simple Beige Alert is the best way to go about things for now. If J.J. Watt doesn't improve the defense, tell my wife I said hello.
Round 2, Pick 42: Brooks Reed, linebacker, Arizona. Grade: A slightly used record of Nena's 99 Luftballons
When my dad passed away, one of the things that I inherited from him was a record player. While he had a lot of records, it was mostly stuff that I didn't care for. You know, Todd Rundgren, The Eagles
. Stuff like that. So I went to the only place I knew of in the city he died that would be likely to have records: a goodwill store. I found 99 Luftballons
and played it on the player to see if it still worked.
I'm not trying to say there's anything wrong with 99 Luftballons. It's just one of the few songs I recognized in the store that I could use to judge sound quality. Brooks Reed isn't a bad linebacker, it's just that he's hardly a bet to be a great pass rusher and if he's not I probably wouldn't want him to be my go-to-guy in the second round of the draft. But hey, sometimes you don't have much of a choice.
Round 2, Pick 60: Brandon Harris, cornerback, Miami. Grade: Freaks And Geeks
Everyone has something they are slow to come around to. I am very stuck in my ways when it comes to TV shows. I prefer them animated, funny, and in short bursts. But after years and years of friends convincing me to give it a chance, I tried out Freaks And Geeks. Know what? It's a pretty damn good show.
And you know, Brandon Harris isn't that bad of a cornerback. I resisted the urge to like him the whole way because I wanted Rahim Moore
instead, but hey, just because he's small doesn't mean he can't be a contributor right away. He's clearly got NFL caliber skills and could contribute right away. Why was I so against him in the beginning of this process? Well, whatever. The important thing is I'm giving him a chance now.