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Reasons I Could Coach The Texans (On Defense, At Least)

1. I can call my own plays in Madden. Apparently Frank Bush cannot.

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2. I played organized football in 8th grade. I also play intramural flag football. 

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3. My record in NFL Street is 194-31. Yeah, I check my user stats. 

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4. I understand the importance of defense. We're trying not to let the other guys score. The Texans seem a little baffled by this concept right now.

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Rick Smith, if you're reading this, feel free to email me at awcohn@indiana.edu. We can further discuss my potential contract. My services won't cost as much as Frank Bush. And there's no where to go but up. 

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Images by eflon used in background images under a Creative Commons license. Thank you.