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My God Man, What The Hell Are You Talking About, Drayton?

For this lifelong Astros fan, the Drayton McLane Era can't end fast enough.

I know, be careful what you wish for. The Astros got their first World Series Participation Ribbon under McLane's ownership. They became relevant, if only for a while. I get it.

The problem, check that - one of the problems, with Drayton, is that he talks. A lot. Some owners know their strengths and weaknesses. But, as they are all rich and powerful men, far too many aren't actually aware that they have weaknesses.

Drayton's biggest strength is selling groceries. He's awesome at that, and at irritating Richard Justice. But the gift of gab that got him where he is in the business world does not translate well to the sports world. Or, maybe more accurately - it doesn't translate well from his lips into my brain.

Here's only the most-recent version of what I'm talking about from Ultimate Astros:

"I don't look at anything as the last time," McLane said. "If I'm eating a piece of chocolate cake, I don't like to think that's the last piece I'm going to have out of that cake. I think about the next one I'm going to eat."

Excuse me while my eyes roll back, pop out the back of my head, and tumble down the stairs (yes I'm typing this at the top of a staircase).

A monumental pet peeve of mine - bad analogies. People feel like analogies make them sound smart. Sometimes, yes, a clever or helpful analogy can bring clarity.

Or - sometimes someone says something about chocolate cake. What does this quote even mean? It's not the last time? Is he going to buy another baseball team? Is he going to come back after he sells the team and talk to the players again? Is he (gulp) going to drag the sale out long enough to make another season-opening speech next year? Oh, he's talking about his next endeavor, isn't he? Fantastic.

This is on par with Texans owner Bob McNair's now-infamous "ox in a ditch" or "brain surgery" groaners.

Drayton wants to be popular. Give me an owner who does everything it takes to win, and doesn't care about public perception. Instead of horribly-botched analogies or metaphors, how about hiring a competent GM, or not running off the one you had, who is one of the best in the business?

Groceries, Drayton. Your strength. I thank you for bringing us a World Series team. I thank you for being willing to pull the trigger on significant trade-deadline deals in the past. But treating the Minor League system as if it's optional, and letting ego get in the way of keeping your stellar GM - I can't get behind that.

Drayton talks to the media, which is great for the media. But the more he speaks, the more disingenuous he sounds. I don't know who the new owner is going to be, but I'm willing to take the chance. If not for the good of the fans and franchise, than for my own personal health.

Images by eflon used in background images under a Creative Commons license. Thank you.